Big Little Miracle

Butterfly Qin made it to 19 days. 

And in case you haven't heard, there was an amazing coincidence surrounding her existence. I am calling it a little miracle, but it was actually kind of big to me and what my friend Bob calls a “God-wink.”

    Late summer last year, my passion vine from a seed pod that I'd liberated from a local university campus here in San Antonio got covered in caterpillars.

Agraulis vanillae larvae

Stomachs on legs, they would eat EVERY leaf and even the stems. I would pick them off and toss them over to other plants, "There, eat that crabgrass instead," you know. Needless to say, I was really mad at them for destroying my vine. And when these spikey little monsters surfaced again early this Spring, I googled “orange and black caterpillars eating my passion vine” and the results stopped me in my cyber-searching tracks. These caterpillars were Agraulis vanillae larvae, commonly called the Gulf Fritillary butterfly. I also learned that the Passifloria incarnata (wild passion vine) is pretty much their only food source around these parts; well, so then I was remorseful for pitching them over to the weeds.

I had seen these butterflies briefly in the yard, but it’s hard to get a good look because they are very fast. At that point I started cultivating them because I knew I could get a good look and maybe take a few photos after they emerge from the pupa (eclose). After all, all butterflies have to hang around for a while after eclose.

Agraulis vanillae pupa look like dried leaves

Fast forward to July 10, 2020, and after some 20 pupates and releases: I name-tagged a recently pupated “Frit” after my Facebook and IRL friend Qin. I usually do not "name" the butterflies-to-be as actual people I know, but when I made the tag clip, my pen wrote “Qin.” 

Frits pupate for five to ten days and of the twenty or so I have cared for, this timeframe varies by five days- literally between five to ten days. Always.

When butterfly Qin emerged on July 19, 2020, my family and I were down with Covid. I was actually laying on the floor shaking in pain with nausea watching this butterfly eclose on camera, hoping and praying it would hurry up so I could get out of the studio and go back to bed. 

As I shook, I witnessed a just-as-haggard looking butterfly Qin eclose, then immediately leave the frame. That kind of bummed me, because they normally just hang as the wings grow and I was intending to capture that as well. It was strange that she “left the scene,” but hey, I guess everyone’s different. She seemed “diligent” and on a mission. And I felt about like she looked—a little beat up, figuratively.

I shared the video with Qin the person, placed Qin the butterfly in a large butterfly enclosure here in the studio (to keep her calm for the photoshoot I would attempt the next day), then I tapped out for the day. 

The next day, I was tagged in this Facebook post by Qin the human

The eclose was on Qin the human's birthday! There is absolutely no way I could have planned that out; Hooyah!! And on this day after eclose (July 20, 2020), I still planned to do the photoshoot of Qin the butterfly since my energy was kind of up and I needed to get her out into the world. Tick-tock. Adult Frit life is two weeks, max.

These butterflies can roost for 24 hours before feeding becomes an issue; keep them dark and cold and they kind of go on a temporal pause. But to my surprise, at 7:50 a.m. in the dark and coolness of my photo room, she is flying around wanting to party. Needless to say, this butterfly was the wildest I had ever seen here in the studio. No worries, I’ll just use my butterfly superpower techniques and get some great shots. “She’ll settle down alright.” Yeah, right.

Usually, in a session with these Frits, I shoot around 800 photos looking for the perfect two or three.
From left: Fred, SassyB, Tink

Some Frits have let me shoot for up to three hours before we both get a little stir crazy. And just keep in mind, these butterflies have fully developed wings. If I am shooting the same day as eclose, I let them hang here on the photo table at least two hours before we shoot, or they overnight in an enclosure (like Qin) and are just as calm the next day. I need the wings to be as large as possible, for both the photo and for their flyability (for their outside time). But did Qin the butterfly bend to my butterfly whispering techniques? Barely, then NO. I was only able to shoot five photos. FIVE. That’s it. That’s 0.625% of what I am usually able to shoot. I took her outside and she bolted straight away. I even said out loud, “Well, what are the odds of seeing her again?” Then I went back to bed, because, well, SARS-CoV-2 was still befriending me.

During my illness with this novel coronavirus, each morning/afternoon I would go out and sit with my coffee or liquid IV stuff (ugh) and watch “the four amigos.” Four males that I raised and that had eclosed in a short timeframe together. They stuck together and flew together in our backyard. They would even fly around my head sometimes. It was like a fever dream. Surreal. After some days, that storm Hanna blew through, and the next day, only two amigos. Then a couple of days later, just one; he was gone the next day. Butterfly life is short indeed.

Two of The Four Amigos: (from L): Killa, Rambo

By this time the family and I were improving, but I was still in the “sit-around” phase of the illness. So I was out in the a.m. as usual and spotted a really old, haggard Frit trying to fly around the wild verbena that is very close to our porch- and our cats (caterpillars and felines). This one was trying hard, but flight (and sight, I believe) was no longer a possibility. So I picked her up (I could tell this one was female due to the size and wing coloration), and put her in the “baby caterpillar” enclosure- the one with a live Passaflora incarnata for the hatchlings and “tiny cats.” I took a reference photo, then when in to see if this was a returnee. Frits have a several noticeable (yet very subtle) patterns under their wings that are unique to each butterfly and with photos it’s pretty easy to match them up.

The males I release here always kind of “stick around,” like the four amigos. They check out the vine, looking at the caterpillars, then they "look" in the willows for females, they go to the verbena and scrounge for whatever is in verbena, and they fly around the tomato plants to taunt the zipper spider. I have only seen one other female from these stomping grounds return to the vine, so I figured this haggard little thing in the tiny cat enclosure was from far away. Maybe blew in with that blowy-rainy tropical storm Hanna.

Looking at photos... looking, looking… thousands here because I’ve been too weak to cull through them… then I open the Qin folder. Five photos, first one. Boom! Complete match! This is Qin!

She had been who-knows-where for 13 days. I released her on day two of her adult butterfly life, so this puts her right at the two-week mark. Her free time outside is over. Time to convalesce with some bananas and Gogosqueeze little lady. "And we’re gonna finish that photoshoot you didn't have the patience for!"

Qin the Gulf Fritillary at 15 days as an adult

And finish we did. The first session was with the original haggard wings, but because she was still a wild child, she’d beat those wings to jagged used-to-be-wings (not photographed). So that night while she was calm I gave her a wing bob. She didn’t move and I kind of thought she was gone at that point. But the next day, she was up and beating those little wings... Looked like a moth at literally one-third of her original size.

Qin at 19 days as an adult

We shot a little each day in her last few days, mostly her guzzling Gogosqueeze.

After the shoot on August 6, she was very slow-moving. I placed her in her tiny cylindrical netted enclosure on her little paper towel (Frits LOVE to sit on a paper towel, I do not know why), and she rested with her wings open; very unusual. Throughout the evening I checked in: same position, then in the morning, same position. She was gone.

Today I have her in an airtight container along with that very tiny dried rose that she posed on. It is a poignant scene that has a story, a story worth sharing, a story on which parallels can be drawn.

A response post made in June 2020 that addressed the "haters" of a previous posted video of a Frit caterpillar pupating

As I and my family were in a pupa/cocoon of sorts through the pandemic, random riots, and political mayhem, I did (and still do) find joy in these “winged-wonders” as human Qin’s husband, Mark, calls them. When I see one appear in the back yard, I am usually out to greet it, happy to see their (perhaps) return. With each one that ecloses here in the studio- whether the camera was rolling or not, I am delighted. 

This God-wink with Qin the butterfly, as small and insignificant as it may seem to some who read this and those who will write it off as "just coincidence," was quite impactful on this end. But in all of this, I am indeed seeing the beauty in this gross 2020 version of the world, confident that there is a creative Creator in charge, confident that this messy middle we’re in will come to an end in a beautiful, amazing way.

//dc

"Sassy" July 2020

Life Lessons in Towing a Trailer

I've just put my Hummer H3T Alpha in the shop to be checked for damage after a sequence of events that not only perhaps damaged my truck but also left me creatively barren for a few days. Here, at Weseloh Chevrolet and Hummer, I have time to reflect. And thanks to my mini-iPad (the iPhone), I can bang out this muse.

It all began exactly a week ago when I went (with family in tow) to U-haul to square away our trailer order for the move out of the Albuquerque office/apartment some two days away. We were assured that everything was good to go with the exception of the hitch ball kit for the drop bar (part 4944). This was no big deal since that part and kit would be in on the day we took delivery of the trailer. During this time the kids were clearing out the free doughnuts that where sitting out. Great.

After packing up what was to be a 3 year stay in a studio apartment and edit suite, my son and I went to U-haul to retrieve the 12' trailer. To my un-surprise (I'm cautiously pessimistic at all times), part/kit 4944 wasn't in. We were again assured this was no problem since they have all the parts needed around the shop. (Where are those dang doughnuts?) So after some paperwork with the new guy (he's obviously a newbie because everything is taking FOREVER at this point), we go out to get hooked up.

I worked with a film director once that always insisted that people should "triple check everything!" Well, I'm not a trailer expert, so I couldn't check the new guy's hookup ability (not even once), but I'm pretty sure the nut on the hitch ball needs to be cranked with a wrench, right? I asked him this, and the reply: "Nope, hand-tight is good enough!" Assuming the guy had all the proper training, I said, "Okay!" pessimistically and doubtfully, of course.

Is it the customers responsibility to check the service providers' work? Does the lack of proper training or retention fall on the customer? I went to the experts to get "hooked up". They know (or should know) this business, not me. Right?

As someone who structures teams, consults and advises, I come from the mindset of letting the trained experts do their art and get out of the way. Yes, art, not part. When does one draw the line and say, "hold on, dude, that's all wrong"?  When common sense prevails, perhaps. I was pondering this as the various safety chains were wrangled around. Fortunately, just then, a weathered, seemingly more experienced worker came over and looked at the hookery. I was relieved.

In reflection, the seasoned pro just "looked" at the hook-up. There was no checking and inspection. For me, the customer and trailer idiot, I was relieved. There is a difference between "looking" and "checking". Although relived, I did want a third opinion, but how rude and demanding is that? They are the experts after all. Right?

We loaded up and bittersweetly left Albuquerque pulling a trailer that made the H3T Alpha drive oh so crappy. Finally, in a blinding rainstorm, we couldn't take it any longer and stopped at a TA Travel Center in Galllup, New Mexico to check the ball and chain(s).

What was it that film director Nat Christian always said? Oh yeah, triple check. Well; cuss, this thing was only "checked" twice and now the nut is all loose and about to fall off because there's no cotter pin to keep it on. What!? No pin.

Was I relying too heavily on U-haul in Albuquerque being the experts? Yes, now it's apparent. The customer is always right, even if they are clueless.

A mechanic named Gilbert at the TA loaned me this giant wrench and another gentleman in overalls gave me a cotter pin. In the downpour in a t-shirt and board shorts I cranked the nut, showing no mercy and inserted the safety pin. Cool. No, cold and wet. I was soaked. I probably looked like a surfer-mechanic; no, just a maniac walking back into the TA with that giant wrench.

On a side note, while pulling out of the TA parking lot, we circumnavigated two locals that were in a fist-fight. One of them had rocks in his hands. Looks like they could use a little brushing up on their emotional intelligence. Anyway, the drive was better; but not great. About one-hundred miles later the trailer began to jerk the Hummer around again. Nothing a little high-4 lock couldn't fix. That'll show that trailer who's boss. And it did.

We were close to Winslow, Arizona, so we stopped at the independent U-haul operation there (there's only one). It wasn't clean. It wasn't branded. It wasn't commercial AT ALL. As the stereotypical greasy-mechanic-in-overalls approached, he exclaimed, "Who the hell connected this thing!?... they didn't know nothin' 'bout no trailers." Seriously, I'm not making this up. Well okay, here's my official triple check right now.

While chains were re-routed and things were tightened, I learned that this kid's name was Chance. He'd been working with his grandparents on "hitches and trailers and so forth" since he was "'bout ten". I figure he had around 20+ year's worth of trailer hookup experience.

Out of the three chains (two safety and one brake) that connect to the tow vehicle from the trailer, all three were wrong according to Chance. He did all he could do without us unloading the gear (I like to call everything gear since I've dealt with camera and lighting gear all my life). I was not "'bout" to unload all that gear! He said the drive would be much better now that the brake chain was positioned and set properly but that I should tighten that hitch ball nut regularly.

We got back on the road and the Hummer no longer needed to be in high-4 lock. The trailer has submitted. Thank you Jesus for Chance. And Gilbert, too. And for the fact that this crazy trailer never broke loose and careened down the highway like headless chicken spewing our gear all over I-40 like a really nasty larger-than-life road kill.

Standby…

I'm back at the desk now after a nauseating ride in a shuttle van. Writing style may change because I can now type like the wind. You may want to read faster for effect…

Things were fine after Winslow, although we had to drive 55 and be passed BY EVERY SINGLE VEHICLE ON THE ROADWAY. Above double-nickle, the trailer would fishtail and loosen the hitch ball. Then I would have to go borrow a giant wrench and perhaps come in close proximity to more fighty locals. I digress… Things were fine until we crossed into California. California, home to the most deplorable highways in the country. I believe the settlers in covered wagons may have had a smoother ride than you can today in a sedan on a California interstate. Seriously, I-40 between the state line and the checkpoint is a joke. I believe there are weeds growing up through the center stripe. Hey California, FIX YOUR INFRASTRUCTURE! It's bad for business, vehicles and peoples' necks.

So needless to say, the trailer was drug by the Hummer in high-4 lock until again, it was so bad I thought the rear axle was going to be jerked out from under us. This was in Moreno Valley. We stopped at a strip mall and I went around asking strangers for a giant wrench… (the store there didn't have one big enough). Once again, the Lord provided and an awesome Cal-Fire support truck pulled up next to our defunct rig. They weren't there to help, just to go eat at the taco shop. Jen, my wife, didn't let the opportunity go to waste. She ran in front of them in her flip-flops and asked if they had a giant wrench. Keep in mind, if you ever ask the fire department for a giant wrench, they will deliver.

Hungry for tacos, Cal-Fire accesses the situation

Thank you Cal-Fire dudes in Moreno Valley for tightening our hitch ball and not going to eat tacos right away. Ironically, the Captain's name was Gilbert. That's the second Gilbert that cared to help in this endeavor. There's got to be Biblical symbolism in there somewhere.

Things were really, for the most part, uneventful the last two hours of the ride. We had some military dudes unload the trailer. They were cool. Then I returned that ridiculous thing to U-haul in Oceanside, CA. Now, what do you think the U-haul dude said to me?

"Tell me about the problems you had." WHAT?! How did he know? I hadn't blogged, tweeted or facebooked about this yet. So I asked him how he knew. He said that he could see that the ball was installed incorrectly on the drop bar. There's this stupid little ring thingy that's supposed to pop off when tightened sufficiently. The cotter pin was not the standard type, (because it was from TA in Gallup, New Mexico), and he could see that the liquid weld wasn't applied to the bolt. I had no idea there was supposed to be liquid weld. Did that newbie dude in Albuquerque and his weathered counterpart know this? "Because the hitch ball was floppy, it continuously activated the brake assist on the trailer." This I knew, because it was common sense, but once that trailer was hooked up, that ball could never get as tight as it needed to be, even with the industrial strength might of Cal-Fire.

Where's the life lesson in all of this? Read slower now.

People come in all varieties. That's mostly not news. Some, you have to oversee more than others. Some are more cognizant than others. Some are more emotionally intelligent than others. It's up to each of us to know when to speak up and how, and when to shut up and get out of the way. This entire event, I believe, was a test of my emotional intelligence- right down to the hour-long wait at the dealership then the nauseating ride home just now. Each time in all of this when I felt helpless and frustrated, I forced those feelings and knee-jerk reactions into rational thought. This results in less stress and an optimum solution given the circumstances. What's more, I didn't look like a jerk with the "why me, why now attitude". Maybe that's good on TV, but not in real life.

It was also a test of faith. My wife and I had faith that nothing terrible would happen. We believed it. And at each stress pinnacle, a Gilbert was there to help out. Surely, had I just had the knowledge and authority to not allow the initial poor install to happen, none of this would have happened and this writing (hopefully helpful to someone) would not exist. Everything happens for a reason, it's all connected, seriously.

BTW, just got the call from the dealership: no problems with the Hummer. Now that's a tough truck.

the kids and me celebrating the fact that we're home